Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Happily ever after!

“I wish I could be married to both” – this is how my friend broke his silence after guzzling down a couple of on-the-rocks at the pub. “Well, that sounds great to me” I replied uncertainly. But, I can think of a billion reasons why it would be a terrible idea – to begin with, my friend happens to be happily-fucking-married to this wonderful girl and is the father of a 2 year old toddler. So I probe a bit further – “tell me about this other-woman you are seeing”. He explains that she is a terrific woman, seven years younger to him, well versed in the”art-of-seduction” and sexy as hell. And he looks at my not-so-convinced face and tells in this old-movies biblical voice – “it was destined to happen”. Now I am not-convinced and confused. Well, aside from my own lack of opinion on a lot of things, I also have a shortage of what I would call “personal-coolness” – which means that I can’t bring my face to that blank expression of superbly-relaxed n totally-in-charge. So naturally when I don’t know what is expected of me, my face contorts into a totally dorky what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about expression.

At this my friend gives me a condescending smirk and tells me how it all happened. Apparently his wife, of the late, has started acting more like his mother and the spark or flicker or whatever they had going between them is now non-existent. I don’t know if it was the alcohol in my system or my weird imagination – kinky Oedipus images were flickering through my mind and I had to chop these fantasies off to pay attention to my friends’ ‘interesting disposition’. Now enters the perky, upbeat swinger (and I think he said something that went along the lines of large-bosomed, but in a crude way). And he actually sang two verses from the song “Munni badnam huyi” [movie “Dabangg”] in a very drunken sort of way – “Shilpa sa figure bebo si ada” - that’s how she is. And I am like – you are talking about someone who looks like Malaika Arora or someone who is more like the character she portrays in the song? Now my friend gets offended and calls me names in Hindi – which, thankfully I didn’t understand. Lol.

Now after he calms down a bit, I ask him “Did you say you want to get married to both?” He replies that he wants both his “emotional-wife” (the motherly-one, who cooks and cleans after him) and “hot-wife” (the shilpa-bebo hybrid who does err.. other interesting things) [sic], and the thought is killing him from the inside and to top it up he is having morality attacks. Now comes the question – “should I confess to my wife or not?” Oh-Oh, there goes my face again. After two minutes of silence my friend prods me by saying “this is what Gandhi would have done”. And I am like “Wtf!!! so you are going through some sort of “Gandhi-giri” phase? Too much of shitty Hindi movies can do that to you Shilpa-Bebo, Gandhigiri what next? ”. Then he says that “No! I want to be all Gandhi about this – minimum damage, ahimsa, you know what I am talking about”. Yes, I get it – you go around sleeping with every other girl, cheating on your wife and then go saintly about it, very good. So I tell him that Gandhi would not have contemplated doing anything of the sort in the first place and even if he had, he would know how to take care of it – the guy was a lawyer for god sakes. My friend looks really offended and tells me to go @#$%-myself. Since I didn’t have anything nice to tell him, I tell him to go see a shrink or go @#$@-yourself. Well, that’s the last I heard of him, it’s been almost a week, and I hope he has done what is best for him.

But this conversation actually made me wonder about the concepts of “emotional-wife” and “hot-wife”. Can this be actually true? Do a person actually need both to have a peaceful existence? One woman for your emotional needs and another for your physical needs – hmm.. it is a pretty interesting thought. ;-) May be my friend is having a late-twenties-early-on-midlife-crisis or something, who knows. But the concept is cool, wonder if the poor bastard is still alive or not :-)

P.S:- I dread to think, if it’s the same for women too. err.. :-(

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